Every year I cry whenever we sing this beautiful hymn at church at Christmas time. Last year was different. I didn't. You'd think I would have since it was just a couple of weeks after I had been diagnosed with breast cancer. I remember Jim glancing towards me (he was playing in the band on Christmas Eve), looking for my usual tears. Probably expecting me to be sobbing. But I wasn't. I really felt calm and the Radiant beams shining down on me.
I did have tears rolling down my face this past Sunday when we were singing "Silent Night". Not because I was sad but because I was truly focusing on the beautiful words and meaning of this song.
Twenty years ago today my Mama was diagnosed with breast cancer. I will never forget her beautiful voice, singing "Silent Night" right next to me in the pew on Christmas Eve that year. We had nothing but Hope to hold onto that year. It was a confusing time. No real answers - not yet. It was a time to wait. A time to remember why we were here on earth. A time to celebrate the birth of our Savior who gives us Hope.
So my tears every year were because of the fact that I can hear my Mama's voice singing the glorious hymn and me missing her. This year my tears are different. They mean more than me missing Mama. They mean that I am thankful for truly understanding the words to the hymn.
Sometimes we would also sing a verse of "Silent Night" in German, "Stille Nacht" to close our Christmas Eve service.
Stille Nacht, heilige Nacht, alles schlaft, einsam wacht
Nur das traute heilige Paar. Holder Knab im lockigten Haar.
Schlafe in himmlischer Ruh', Schlafe in himmlischer Ruh'